Vegeta's MidLife Crisis
by Blind Angelic Assassin
Summary: Yes, the title says it all. Vegeta insists on having his two kids help him get over the fact that he's balding. So does that include trying on a dress and camping in their backyard? *One Shot* R+R!


Vegeta ran his comb through his ink black hair and hummed to himself. He smirked (he can't smile.) to himself in the mirror as he made one final brush. He was so proud of his black mane; it was so straight and regal. He sighed contentedly to himself. "I look good." He said, smirking from ear to ear. He was nearing his 50s and appeared to be barely over 20. He scowled as he noticed a strand out of place. He reached for it, and before he could touch it, it fell out of place. Soon, other strands fell into the sink.  
  
Vegeta began to whimper.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"And I was like, 'no way', and he was like, 'yeah!'" Bra chattered on the phone. She was sprawled on her bed, her fingers and toes entangled in the phone's cord. Trunks suddenly ran into her room.  
  
"Bra! Where is my sweatshirt?" He asked, ignoring the fact that she was on the phone.  
  
Bra glared at him. "I gotta go and piss off my brother, Marron." She spoke into the phone. She beeped it off and sat up. "Which shirt?"  
  
Trunks' eyes bugged out. "You've borrowed more than one?"  
  
Bra nodded. "Yeah, they make really good rugs."  
  
Trunks let his shoulders sag. "Nevermind." He mumbled.  
  
"AAARRRRRGGGH!!!!"  
  
Both of them turned in surprise at where the shriek had came. Bra stood up and looked out into the hallway at their dad's personal potty room. She turned to an alarmed Trunks. "I think dad slammed the toilet seat on his thing again." She told him, giggling.  
  
Trunks and Bra shared a chuckle and went down to Vegeta's washroom. They met with an aghast midget man staring, jaw open into the mirror.  
  
Bra knocked on the open door cautiously. Something was wrong. "Daddy?"  
  
She was responded with whimpers. It finally spoke. "I'm going...b...b...ba....bald."  
  
A moment of silence held in the air as Bra and Trunks traded looks. They broke out in laughter. Vegeta growled and glared at them. "THIS IS NOT FUNNY!!"  
  
The two children doubled in laughter. Bra's sides hurt, "ya, right, dad!"  
  
Vegeta grumbled under his breath about respecting the elders or something. This caused the laughing duo to laugh harder. "That's right, dad, you are an elder!" Trunks guffawed.  
  
Vegeta stormed out of the washroom and stomped down into living room. Bra and Trunks shared a little chuckle before they finally stopped. "Do you think he's really mad?" Bra asked, still smiling.  
  
"Nah, can dad ever be mad at us?" Trunks said. Bra raised her eyebrows, reminding him of that time when daddy threw Trunks against the wall of their training room because her brother was picking his nose and flinging boogers onto the walls.  
  
"Nevermind..." Trunks replied to her wordless message.  
  
"I think we should go say sorry, you know how dad takes these things." Bra suggested half-heartedly. She bit her lip from laughing again, but it was too late, they both cracked up.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Daddy, we're sorry." Bra apologized sincerely as she and Trunks stood in the entrance of the living room.  
  
Vegeta had his arms crossed and his eyes closed. "Fine." He finally said. He turned to them and opened his eyes. "But in return, you two have to help me cope with this problem."  
  
Trunks sighed. "Dad! We already said we're sorry!"  
  
Vegeta glared at him and he shut up. "I am going through something you earthlings call, a 'midlife crisis'."  
  
Bra giggled and hid her smile.  
  
Vegeta ignored her smirk. "Girl, you have the honor of helping me first."  
  
Bra's jaw dropped. Trunks smirked and made it obvious to both of them. He patted Bra on the shoulder lightly; "if you aren't here anymore, may I have your socks? You know, the colored ones with the enforced toes."  
  
Bra glared at him and put her hands on her hips. "I think I'll be fine." She said through clenched teeth. Trunks snickered before leaving.  
  
Bra turned to Vegeta. "Well? What do you want me to help you with?"  
  
"I want you to help me find my most innermost self." He replied as he folded his hands. "For years," he continued, "I have denied myself such a chance, so now," he gestured to his daughter. "I want you to show me the world of," he paused, seemed to take in the moment, "feminism."  
  
Bra stilled a laugh rising from her stomach. "Okay!" She agreed.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"YOU'RE DOING WHAT?!" Bulma screamed in surprise at Bra. She almost dropped the dishes. "You and your father are going shopping?!"  
  
Bra nodded happily. "Yup!" She punched her mother playfully on the arm. "It was HIS idea!"  
  
Bulma relaxed a bit. "So where are you taking him?"  
  
"The mall." Bra replied. She beamed a smile, "I'm so glad daddy finally realizes how important shopping is!" She waltzed out of the kitchen.  
  
Bulma shook her head slowly. "She does not know what she's getting into." She muttered to herself as she went back onto wiping the plates with bubbly detergent.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Vegeta walked through the entrance with a royal hobble and glare. Bra giggled and pulled him to walk faster. Bra pointed to a small shop. "Dad! Let's go see me try on dresses!"  
  
Vegeta restrained himself from grunting in annoyance as he allowed her to drag him in a fancy beige store. Racks of dresses and pantsuits from women filled the shop. Bra sat him down in his usual chair and went up to speak to the woman at the counter. They soon disappeared behind the racks of dresses and the dressing room. Vegeta crossed his arms and glared at the staring shoppers walking past him. But something caught his eye. He quickly turned his head and saw the dress of his dreams; it was perfect. Its textured, silk outside was a soft cream color and it was styled so that the straps appeared to be a halter, but at the back, they crossed. Vegeta got up and touched its cloth. He smirked (he can't smile) and rubbed the silk smoothness onto his cheek. He smirked contently and made little murmuring sounds.  
  
The manager of the store happened to walk past him and then she paused. She walked backwards and cast a curious eye on the little midget man, bending and rubbing an expensive dress against his cheek. She cleared her throat, "excuse me, sir. May I help you?"  
  
Vegeta stood upright and froze in mortification. He coughed nervously, "yeah, I wanna see how I look in this thing."  
  
The tall blonde cocked an eyebrow in surprise. "Um, right, sir. Follow me." She motioned as they walked towards the changing stalls. She made a face behind him as he stepped into one.  
  
She waited uneasily near it. She checked her watch and smiled as she recognized one of her best customer beam as she waltzed towards her.  
  
"Suzanne! I just love this outfit!" Bra held up the army green pants and tank top infront of her. She searched the manager's face curiously.  
  
Suzanne laughed uncomfortably and tried to look as enthusiastic as possible. Bra scowled a bit, "okay, what's up?"  
  
Suzanne loved that about her. The way Bra was so straightforward and honest, simple and open. "Well, I have a male customer that is trying on a dress." She said in a lowered voice.  
  
Bra's eyes widened and searched for her father fervently. She folded the purchased outfit into its bag and sighed. She knocked hard on the stall's door. "DADDY, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, GET OUT!!" She yelled.  
  
She smiled contently at Suzanne (who was scared out of her wits) and leaned casually on the door. Vegeta fumbled with his undies as he put his pants back on hastily. He tumbled out, red-faced and holding the crumpled dress in one hand.  
  
"I'll take it!" He said in a rough voice.  
  
Bra's eyes bugged out. She knocked her head rhythmically on the glazed oak door, groaning.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bra slammed the door after Vegeta came into the house first. Trunks turned from the T.V and raised an eyebrow. Vegeta smirked as he carried his shopping bag and pranced up the stairs. Bra watched him, exasperated. Trunks chuckled; he could guess what had happened.  
  
"I am never taking that geezer of a man shopping, EVER!" Bra declared, flushed and plopped on the couch beside Trunks. He looked over to Bra's hands and was surprised that they were empty.  
  
"You didn't buy anything?" He asked when he turned.  
  
Bra groaned, "I couldn't, it would've been too humiliating." She covered her face with a hand. "Man, Trunks, you do not know what he did to my reputation."  
  
Trunks made a face, "let me guess, he didn't let you buy anything."  
  
Bra was too tired to glare at him. "No," She said, "he bought a dress..." She let the ultimate question linger in the air. "For himself!" She exclaimed.  
  
Trunks' eyes widened. "Seriously?"  
  
Bra nodded slowly. "Good luck with him tomorrow." She retorted as she got off the couch and limped in injured dignity to her room.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Vegeta put on his dress awkwardly in the dark of his room. He walked infront of a full body mirror and smirked. He was hot. The door suddenly opened. And all hell froze over.  
  
"VEGETA BRIEFS!!!" Bulma shrieked. She stomped over to him and her eyes bugged out. "What are you wearing?!"  
  
Vegeta was actually scared. He quickly flung the dress off of him and changed into his spandex shorts. He stood at attention and put on the most innocent appearance possible. Bulma threw her hands in the air dramatically and slammed the door as she left the room.  
  
"Bra! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?!" Was what Vegeta could hear through the door.  
  
Bra cringed and Trunks grinned mischievously. "It's part of the twelve step program....?" Bra suggested weakly.  
  
Trunks beamed to Bulma, "Doesn't he look good, mom?"  
  
Bulma glared at Trunks, stomped out of the room and left her children laughing their heads off.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Trunks stretched out while he waited outside of Vegeta's room. He knocked on the door, "dad? Hurry up! And don't wear your dress!" He joked. He could hear a partial growl through the door.  
  
Vegeta opened the door and marched past Trunks. Trunks was relieved to see him dressed in 80% cotton and 20% spandex pants and the usual tight black muscle shirt. Trunks skipped behind him like a little puppy.  
  
"So dad! Whatcha wanna do?" He chirped. Vegeta gritted his teeth in annoyance. Trunks ignored his dental problems and continued, "are we going to spar? Huh? Huh? Go beat up all the guys Bra has slept with? Eat cheese and then fart our rectums out? Huh? Huh?"  
  
Vegeta brushed aside his ideas. "No, we're going...."  
  
Trunks clamped his ears for a moment, "no! Please don't tell me we're going to the mall!!"  
  
Vegeta growled, "no, we're going camping."  
  
Trunks pumped an arm in the air. "Yeah!" He cheered, "finally, something manly!"  
  
"In our backyard, Trunks. We're going camping in our backyard." Vegeta added.  
  
All hell defrosted.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Vegeta sat outside, on the grass while Trunks cooked marshmallows in a small campfire. The sun was setting and the dying star engulfed the blue sky with red and orange.  
  
Vegeta sighed and lay on the ground. Trunks plied more burnt marshmallows into a bag. He groaned. "This is really fun.." He droned.  
  
"Yep." Vegeta replied.  
  
Both of them perked up as the sound of police sirens reached their ears. They traded glances; this neighborhood was not famous for its crime rate, in fact, the opposite. A police car pulled in front of their house. Vegeta and Trunks ran out. Two policemen walked out and rushed past them and went into the backyard. Trunks and Vegeta followed, confused.  
  
"Sir, what's going on?" Trunks asked.  
  
One burly police officer turned and looked him over. "We got a call about a fire." He turned to the small fire pit Trunks had created. It was smoldering weakly. "Nevermind." He mumbled.  
  
Trunks nodded uncomfortably as he ran a hand through his hair. After the police left, Vegeta gathered the camping gear and went into the house. Trunks followed, embarrassed.  
  
Bra greeted them at the door. "So," she began, with a tone of mockery. "Have fun?"  
  
Trunks glared at her and Vegeta continued inside. Trunks pulled Bra aside.  
  
"He really, really needs help."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bra and Trunks entered Vegeta's training room timidly. "Um, daddy," Bra started and shifted her feet. "We think we have the perfect plan to get you over your 'midlife crisis'."  
  
Vegeta, unfortunately, was too eager and peed his pants.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bra and Trunks traded looks. "Let's begin!" Trunks said as he clapped his hands twice.  
  
All hell froze over as the two grown teenagers began to pick their nose and fling yellow colored globs onto the wall.  
  
Vegeta sensed a growl rise and all his rage broke out while his spandex undies spilt.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Trunks groaned on the hard hospital bed. Vegeta had thrown both of them against the booger-decorated wall after what they had done.  
  
He turned to Bra and grinned. She rolled her eyes. "That was such a mistake." She retorted lightly. She smiled as her brother's grin widened.  
  
He reached a hand to her, straining under the pain. She hi-fived it.  
  
"He's over it!" Trunks declared. Bra laughed triumphantly.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Author's Note:  
  
Hey! Wasn't that cute? Please review if you think this story is retarded or you just want to comment/compliment on it! Thanks! 


End file.
